Africa, Revisited - part 2

Patience

I was praying for a quick answer. The very next morning I opened my Kindle to continue my “read through the Bible in a year” project that I had going. I had stopped the day before right in the middle of a reading passage, in Psalms. I picked up where I left off and read “Psalm 37:7 Rest in the LORD, and wait patiently for Him…” I sighed in resignation. Seriously, God? First verse of the day? I paged back to catch the entire passage. “Psalm 37:3-7 Trust in the LORD, and do good; Dwell in the land, and feed on His faithfulness. Delight yourself also in the LORD, And He shall give you the desires of your heart. Commit your way to the LORD, Trust also in Him, And He shall bring it to pass. He shall bring forth your righteousness as the light, And your justice as the noonday. Rest in the LORD, and wait patiently for Him…” I had two words running through my mind…It figures. It was God’s Holy Word and all, but maybe I should try a different source. I opened the Bible study I was working on, Experiencing God. The topic for that day dealt with knowing and doing the will of God. Perfect! I’ll get my answer here, for sure! And what do you know, right there on the second page in a series of bullet points of things that helped George Mueller know God’s will: He waited patiently on God until he had a word from God. Ok, ok—third time in 24 hours hearing “be patient”. I get the point, already!

Wednesday

The informational meeting for the August Africa team was the following Wednesday. As the weekend rolled and the work-week started, I was increasingly anxious. Am I supposed to go? I kept talking about the upcoming meeting in terms of “if”. As in “if” I was going to the meeting. Yeah, right. If. I seriously felt like I could throw up by Wednesday night. I didn’t want to go to the meeting and admit that this thing going on in me was a reality. But I knew if I didn’t go, I would be outright rejecting the call I had been feeling all week, and direct defiance has never really been my thing. What will people say? It will not be a secret that I just returned from a trip in March. Is this completely indulgent? Or just fanatical? On the outside, I had a smile and a brisk walk. On the inside, I was heading to the gallows.

Meeting

I was not the last one to enter a room full of questioning people, like I somewhat feared. I was one of the first. And the director of missions was outside in the hallway, alone. My appearance there was not puzzling to him, as we had been in contact since my trip in March, him advising me on how I could fit into our church’s mission program and be a helpful asset from right here in the States. After a moment of casual conversation, I revealed the main reason I was there. Instead of the reaction of surprise I had feared, carefully measured support came from his eyes. He’s heard and seen this before. Me wanting to go again isn’t a shock to him. I felt relief. Three different people walked by while I was standing there. All of them knew me, and guessed immediately why I was there. While there was some surprise, it was pleasant and supporting. One of them had been on the March trip with me. She hugged me tight out of encouragement and probably a bit of happy envy. She had brought another woman to the meeting, one I knew on a hello-type basis. This woman was nervous to be there. Wanting to go on the trip, but scared to death at the thought. Just like me in March. I walked into the room with her. I felt like I was right where I needed to be.

Malawi-Bound

So I have decided to go on the trip in August. I never received an audible word from God, or an airplane dream, or a verse that says “Go ye therefore to Africa in August”—but ever since the meeting I have felt a peace. I think God wants me to learn and practice patience. I think He wants me to learn how to be quiet and listen. I think He wants me to bow to my own agenda and take on His. And I think he wants me in Malawi in August. Why me? I don’t know—maybe because I’m willing. But every time I voice the question Why Beth? the words of a friend keeping coming back to me. Why not Beth?