Africa Journal - March 2010 part 7

Day 5

Wednesday morning I woke up so tired. Which is funny, because of course my devotional was titled “Getting Tired?” and my daily verse was a prayer for endurance. “Everyone is expecting today to be mighty. We are leaving earlier and staying later. We finally all know what to do. But, oh, we are tired!”

We went to a different village area today…one we had to drive to. We met the chief there, and besides going out in our normal groups with our normal translators, we were also paired with a local church member from this new area, to go out with us and take our teams in different directions. (Our church went to this village area last year, and planted a church…so these local members were from that planted church…there to lead us around but also to take the names of the new converts from the day, so they could follow up with them and try to get them to attend church in the future). So Rodney and I, and Giles and our leader walked a long way to get to the area we were supposed to canvas. Along the way, Rodney ministered to several groups and had 5 salvations. As we walked along the road, a man named Macford stopped us at his house. While we waited for him to find us a mat to sit on, two women walked by on their way to cut pumpkins (the older one, Filine, had a huge machete in her head covering…the younger one, Juliet, was her daughter). They spoke with the translator to see what we were up to, nodded and walked on a bit, then turned back around and came to sit. I was pretty excited about that, as it meant they were willing to put aside their work to hear what we had to say. Then three adolescent boys came down the path (Timothy, Dennis and Chikondi, which means Love), and I waved them in with promise of “a story”. While we waited, Filine continued to speak with the translator. Giles told me that she said she wished she knew English…so she could sit down and just talk with me! She had such a direct and outgoing but yet friendly, manner…that I immediately took a liking to her and saw her as someone that God could potentially use greatly in this village. When all 6 were finally seated, I used the Evangecube and took my time telling the story. I wanted to be very sure they all understood what I was saying and what it all meant. At the end, I asked if any of them had heard this before, and if any of them had ever accepted Jesus and prayed the sinner’s prayer before. One thing that is tricky in Malawi, is making sure the people understand that salvation is a one-time thing. They love to sit through the story over and over, even if they are already Christians. So if you are not careful, you will sit there and “convert” people that have already been through this before, but because of the language barrier, and their limited post-salvation discipleship, you don’t realize and they don’t understand. Anyway, my 6 all said they had never done this before, but they all wanted to. So I sat there in emotional awe, as I led my first 6 people ever, in the sinner’s prayer to become Christ followers. We took pictures together afterwards, and when I showed them in my camera, Filine squawked and jerked her head covering off and started re-wrapping it. This cracked me up…just like an American, worried about what she looked like in the picture! We laughed and hugged and took another picture before parting ways. It was an amazing and awesome day for me. God had already done so much, that although in the back of my mind, I knew that I wanted to lead someone to Christ… I had told God that I was perfectly fine with that not happening on THIS trip. I had seen so much personal victory, I wasn’t going to be pushy, you know? And then God allows me this honor. I wrote later in my journal…”It was an amazing experience, and a perfect ending for the trip…except God is more amazing than I could plan for, and He had more in store.” Doesn’t He always? Just when you think it can’t get any better…

We met several more groups of believers before we left to head back to the group for lunch. After lunch, we led more discipleship…this time we had a more diverse turnout and so split up the adult men and women. This group of women was very engaging, and I had a great time talking with them about how we are to love God and others, pray without worry, read God’s word, meet with other believers, and share with the unsaved. I leaned heavily on them about how God looked to the believers of the group to reach out and share with their fellow Malawians, and not to simply depend on us Americans that come for one week every 6 months.

After the discipleship time, all of the groups, adults and kids, chief and local church members, our team and our translators…came together for a time of worship and preaching. I had been asked to give my testimony in front of this large group. I grabbed Giles (even though he was Rodney’s translator, I felt very close to him and knew how he felt about me) and together we let that group have it. I had my notes with me this time, but I didn’t use them much until I got to the Roman’s Road verses. “God was all over me—I had no nerves and never stammered around. Being up there, entreating the people, felt as natural as breathing. I was sad to sit down. This trip has been so amazing.” And there isn’t much more to say about it beyond that! After the service, we drove back to Esther’s House for a final farewell. “Everyone was crying, but for perhaps the first day here, I had no tears. I am not sad at all to be leaving. I am only anxious to get home so I can figure out when I can come back.”

Africa Journal - March 2010 part 6

Day 4

My complete journal entry from Tuesday, 6:00 am, Malawi:

“God woke me up again sometime before 5:00. The manner was different this time—I was not worried or agitated. But I feel—passion, urgency and burden. I feel more alive here. I have passion inside me, trapped. It comes out when I teach. I love music, but I feel no call to go teach it. But teaching others discipleship, how to live for God, and how to lead others—now THAT gives me huge passion. What does this mean? What am I to do? God is silent—yet not. I have no booming answer. But here is what I have today—Matthew 25:14-30. A parable, one I read in preparation for this trip, in fact. I understood it on some level at that time, but reading it this morning made me cry. I don’t want to be the lazy evil slave with 1 talent, who buries it—who not only doesn’t use it, but doesn’t even share it with others so they can use it. And I am. And I am convicted. God help me know what to do and how to serve. My mind is rampant with musings and meditation. Show me, God.”

Tuesday was a logistical day for me, and after all the emotion from the two days prior, and all the burden still fresh from the morning, that was probably a good thing. Rodney and I stayed behind at Esther’s House while the others went into the village, and we cleaned and organized the supply closet there at Esther’s House (LOTS of stuff just sitting in there right now because it was all just jumbled and thrown in there—hopefully, now those things will get given away and put to good use) and also we helped price and organize the souvenirs for our team. Instead of our team going into the city somewhere and shopping for overpriced trinkets, a vendor came to Esther’s House with goods. A reasonable price was reached for each item, and the vendor left his things with us for the afternoon. We then re-priced all of the items, with the small mark-up going as proceeds to Esther’s House. When the team came in for lunch, everyone shopped and bought what they wanted, at a cheaper price then we would have gotten otherwise, but still with a profit margin to donate to the orphanage (everybody wins!). We then counted all of the money, separated the Esther’s House cut from the vendor’s proceeds, and tallied all of the items left to make sure everything added up. So that was a different, but very full and busy day for me.

The up?-side to that was that Rodney and I were not available to handle the afternoon adult discipleship, so we passed that torch onto a husband/wife couple on the team. Now this was unexpected, and they were not prepared. The session, while personally burdensome, had been such a high the day before…when we were able to “break through” and find out what the widows really needed to hear and unload on them…that I was so excited for this couple, about what they were fixing to get to experience. They did not necessarily see it in the same light. (Completely understandable…had it been reversed, I would have been freaking out!) I gave them several ideas, told them about the day before, and assured them it was going to be SO AWESOME for them. Long story short, later that night, they said they had NOT been happy at ALL about being thrust into that, but that they were SO glad in the end, because it was an AMAZING and POWERFUL time. And while I missed not going out that morning and teaching that afternoon, I was so glad to be able to have shared that experience with them, by my absence! (I am constantly amazed…God really does know what He’s doing…WHO KNEW??)

My journal entry for the day ends somewhat frustrated. Rodney’s translator pulled me aside and talked with me today. He said he sees a passion for missions in me. I laughed and wondered what he had thought of me initially, on Saturday? He agreed that he didn’t think much of me on that day. I laughed again and agreed. I told him God had called me to a meeting Saturday night, and since then, things had been different. He was very serious when he asked me my commitment level to missions and told me that he was praying for me. He agreed strongly with me that the people of Malawi need discipleship. They need to be taught how to grow in the Lord. Am I one to help do that? I don’t know, but I am humbled and awed that this man would seek me out and encourage me and pray for me…and see something in me that I have a hard time seeing in myself. Which all leads to the frustration. I was not equipped enough before coming on this trip. (I’m just thankful God was gracious enough to give me a middle-of-the-night holy crash course). The new Malawi converts are not equipped at all. There are time, money and logistical mountains in the way. And the vision for people to see the need…the need beyond conversion numbers…the need for true feeding. The need for “Pauls”…strong Christians to come in, set up a Christian hub, get it going, and then move on, encouraging along the way.

“I am eager to help, but how?...There are so many hurdles and barriers to work through…I feel so much passion in this, but what does God want me to do???”

Africa Journal - March 2010 part 5

Day 3, afternoon

The afternoon disciple sessions were designed for whoever we invited during the morning to come to. Our team had split into Adult, Teen and Children teams, and we had made “lesson plans” accordingly, in advance. Well, as things are always changing on the mission field…our Adult group of three got whittled down to two (me and Rodney) and the Teens and Children groups combined to accommodate all of the children projected to attend (they invited the entire elementary school that morning). So there stand Rodney and I, neither of us the “leader” of the Adult discipleship team, with our pre-made lesson plans that covered several of the parables of Jesus. We only had 17 adults show up that day, and all but one of them the very same widow women from the day before. So I vamped. Since I already knew all of these women were Christians, I started with the back of the Evangecube, and my standard Discipleship talk. When I finished, the only response I got was for one of them to say they already knew all of that. Well I was taken aback and at a momentary loss. Rodney stepped in and shared some things that had come to him while I was talking, then he went into the parable of Christian Light, which related to what we were already talking about, plus was on our “lesson plan” for that day. I followed up with the relative parable of the Sower and the Seeds. The lessons we were giving were good, but there just seemed to be little interest. Only a fraction of our time had passed, and we were both feeling very intimidated and uneasy. So we turned to the interpreters, and I asked them to find out what the women were thinking, and what they wanted to hear. The interpreters intervened for us and spoke with the women. After a time, here is what we discovered: the women felt that because they were old, could not travel, and had limited social circles, they had no use in God’s plan and could not share with others. Uh, oh…here we go. The spark flamed and my passion ignited. Once I knew what to talk about, the words poured out again. Between Rodney and I, and our two translators, we ministered like crazy to those women. I was jumping around, pacing, frantic to make my points heard and understood. I implored those women to understand as elder Christians, just how useful they were. That their joy ministered to me. That I had to travel all the way to Malawi to be brave enough to share the Gospel. But that I was only there for a short time…and could only reach so many people. But their job is to constantly minister in their circles…and to disciple the people in THEIR circles to minister to the people in THEIR circles…and on and on…and THAT is how God would explode in Malawi…not because of the few of us who came over for short times on mission trips.

I was so emotionally spent and completely burdened by the time that session was over…that I could barely trudge back to Esther’s House. In our afternoon share time (the 12 of us Americans plus the 12 interpreters/pastors), I felt like the head Malawian pastor was boring holes into me with his eyes. (We had never spoken before, and he had never been around me). So I shared just a bit of the burden I was feeling. He was silent for a bit (that’s the normal Malawi way…you way something and it feels like you are being ignored for sometimes a full minute…but they are really just processing) and then he asked…”What can we do?” I felt so humbled and awed. HE was asking ME advice on how to help his people. While the answer didn’t spit itself out on the spot, it didn’t take long for the answer to coalesce as a clear vision in my mind. The people of Malawi desperately need discipleship. True, honest and steady discipleship. Meetings in their own villages, in their own settings, led by their own people. God’s word coming to life to address their daily needs. Prayer time. Share time. Grow time. But how to make that happen???

My first and last journal sentences for this day are as follows: “More emotions today...” And “My heart is so burdened!”

Africa Journal - March 2010 part 4

Day 3, morning

Monday morning was more evangelizing/and inviting in the village area around Esther’s House, but this time I was ready…Rodney, me, Giles and Evelyn (and baby Zach)…armed with Evangecubes (a rubix-like cube with pictures portraying the “story of salvation”…you flip it around and tell the story as you go…on the back it has pictures that can be used for discipleship for Christians), Bibles, and laminated cards that I had made that had the verses for Romans Road guide to salvation, and also verses that went along with the Evangecube discipleship pictures. No more stammering around for me, thank you!

Our first stop of the day was to visit with Jameson, the local tailor. Rodney told him the Evangecube story, while I noted how sad and quiet this man was, on his front porch with his sewing machine. Turns out Jameson was already a Christian, but when we asked him if there was something we could pray over him for, we found out that business is bad, he was having trouble financially, and was very burdened to help the local orphans. I surprised myself by interrupting Rodney and asking if I could talk with Jameson. I flipped to the back of the Evangecube, and started sharing the things that God wants us to do as Christians. I paused when I got to prayer, and shared Philippians 4:6 with Jameson “Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.” As this verse is very meaningful to me, I sensed it would also be a very encouraging word for Jameson, and I think that it was.

Our next stop was two men that Rodney led to the Lord while I used the Evangecube to tell the story of Jesus to a group of children in the road…I started with 3 and ended with roughly 25! After I got through with them, they went over to Rodney, and because he didn’t realize I had already shared with them, those precious kiddos got a double dose!

After that, we moved on down and road and spoke with another Christian man. Again, when we asked him if he had a prayer need, he started explaining that he struggled with knowing right things from wrong things and making godly choices. Again, I jumped in and discipled him with words that just poured out from God…about how if he was a child of God, then the Holy Spirit was living inside of him…and that small voice that he heard and felt when it was decision-making time…that was God letting him know what was right and wrong. I encouraged him to always heed that voice, as the more we ignore it, the harder it is to hear.

Next we came across two women walking down the road. Rodney split from me at that point, and went to a nearby housing area. I shared the Evangecube with these women (when you ask if they want to hear the story, the answer is almost ALWAYS an emphatic YES…so different from America!) and discovered these two were also Christians. Well, since discipleship is my heart (have you picked up on that yet??) I flipped to the back and started my talk on Christian living. The first picture is a heart, and the corresponding verse Matthew 22:37-39…You shall love the lord your God with all your heart…etc…and…you shall love your neighbor as yourself.” The older woman of the group immediately got agitated, and had a long discourse with the interpreter, while I looked on, astounded at what I might have said that riled her so. It turns out that both she and the younger woman with her had ungodly husbands…one a mean drunk and the other had taken a second wife. The woman’s question was basically this…HOW do I love him? (And probably irritation and dejection that she was expected to do so, AMEN?) Again, here I went, words spewing forth as I looked them both straight in the eye and told them nothing about this was easy…that it was HARD and God knew it was! But that the way those husbands acted was not the wives responsibility…those men would have to answer to God one day. But it WAS the wives responsibility to LOVE them, to love ON them, to SHOW them the love of God THROUGH them…to PRAY for them…and to let it go and be in God’s hands after that. I knew I had victory when a small, single tear escaped down the older woman’s face. The younger one didn’t even try to hide her emotion. I got choked up with them, and held onto them and prayed for them in the middle of that hot, dusty road…and I knew myself to be blessed beyond anything I could even comprehend…not only for my own personal good fortune, but simply for the opportunity to be there on that day, the courage to have said hello to them in the first place, and the words of God to come pouring out of my heart and mouth to help those ladies.

Our final contact of the morning was a widow woman with 5 children. Again, also a Christian, we prayed with her for provision and protection for her and her children…very legitimate concerns in Malawi.

While we didn’t have a mass of salvations or a huge contact list that morning, I didn’t care. I felt like we had done what we were meant to do…disciple and love on people and share God’s hope in tough times. We headed back to Esther’s House for lunch and to get ready for afternoon Discipleship time.

Africa Journal - March 2010 part 2

Day 1

Saturday morning we gathered at Esther’s House, met our translators, and were sent out into the nearby village to start meeting people and inviting them to church the following day. “It was nerve-wracking at first, trying to make conversation (with the interpreters) and trying to understand each other. My first experience in the village was horrible…the people were very reserved and I didn’t know what to say.”
My interpreter was Evelyn, wife to Joseph, one of the guys on staff at Esther’s House. She has a young boy named Zach (after Zach Kennedy) that she carried around with us on her back. I paired up with another teammate, Rodney, and his interpreter Jailosi (Giles). Both of us mainly just stumbled around together that first day, taking the lame tactic of saying…”We’re, um, from the United States…and we’ve, um, come to invite you to church at Esther’s House, and um, do you have any questions about Jesus? No? Oh, ok, um, good. Well, we hope to see you tomorrow…” Need I say more?

When we got back to Esther’s House to reconvene at the end, I was horrified to hear of others that had many conversions that day and had shared Jesus with their Evangecube and the Roman’s Road. We were sent out with very little direction that morning, and it didn’t even occur to me to witness. I was struggling to simply make conversation. I felt more inept than ever. I tucked myself into a single window seat on the bus that afternoon, and cried all the way back to the house. I dreaded the next day, Sunday, when I would have to lead a discipleship time for the 50 non-residential widows that our church cares for through Esther’s House, and I dreaded even more having to go back out into the villages on Monday after that.

That night there was much logistical work to do: sorting clothes, preparing gift bags for the widows and orphans, preparing toothbrushes and fluoride for the hygiene session, etc. We were all exhausted and tensions were high. There were differing opinions on what we should do and how we should do it. Because I was head of logistics, I was forced to make unpopular calls, and because I was exhausted and feeling the lowest of lows about myself, I am quite certain that my leadership efforts, while given with the best of intentions, did not come across as…nicely and diplomatic…as perhaps they should have. As a result, there were tensions between myself and a fellow team member, and a confrontation followed later that night which left me in tears and more certain of anything that I did not belong on this trip (even as I was certain that God wanted me there). So, ok, I was organizing things. I was cooking supper for the group. I was “being mama” to two of the younger girls in my room. My beef with God was that I could (and did) already do all of those kinds of jobs at home. Did I really need to come all the way to Africa just to play Mom to a mission team? Seriously?

I did not journal that night.

Africa Trip Testimony - Spring Break 2010

Written on April 17, 2010

When I walked into the Malawi mission trip meeting last fall, I had no intentions of going to Africa. I didn’t even plan to stay for the whole meeting. Walking in there was my nod to God…it was me obeying the persistence I felt to “someday” go on a mission trip “somewhere.” I have since learned from this experience that if you are willing to get your toes wet, you might as well be prepared to cannonball into the pool…because when God gets involved, anything is possible.

I left that meeting feeling called to go to Malawi, but completely baffled as to why. I heard nothing described in that meeting that I felt like I could even do, much less be good at. After an indisputable word from God, I committed to go, and felt complete peace about the decision, but continued to battle those feelings of personal inadequacy all the way to Malawi.

Once in Malawi, we were sent out into the villages to evangelize and invite. I froze up completely, not knowing what to do or say, and wished I was anywhere but in Africa. I cried all the way back to our house that night, beseeching God for help, and devastated at the thought that the only good reason I was on the trip was to cook, “mother” the younger ones, and help organize things. God allowed me to personally break that evening, only to wake me up a couple of hours later to have a meeting with me.

God came through that night, like He always does when we call on Him. It felt like He was right there with me under my mosquito net, for a good two hours—while I kept telling him I really needed to get some sleep! But during that time, God assured me not only of His endless love, but His awesome power…and His everlasting endurance, even in the face of fatigue and discouragement. I began to see myself leading, sharing and ministering to the people without hesitation. God put words into my head to say. I began to be excited about the rest of the trip, and excitedly anxious for morning. I thanked God for His mercy until I fell asleep again.

God used me in an incredible and powerful way the remainder of the trip. He allowed people with needs to cross my path, and words of comfort to come out of my mouth. I found myself excited about sharing, instead of nervous. Whether it was ministering to ladies on the roadside, leading my first 6 people to Christ, or giving my testimony in front of a large group, God was allowing me to experience a brand-new meaning of living for Him. A passion exploded in me that I have never felt before…a passion to disciple the Christian people of Malawi. Along with that passion, however, came a deep burden.

While there is currently an explosion of the gospel in Malawi, resulting in large numbers coming to Christ, there is also a discouraging lack of discipleship. New Christians are left in the dark, unsure of what it means to live a Christian life and lacking in the resources and means to be able to learn. What can we do?

• WE CAN PRAY not only for the outgoing mission teams and the unsaved, but also the new Christians of Malawi. "And pray in the Spirit on all occasions with all kinds of prayers and requests. With this in mind, be alert and always keep on praying for all the saints" Ephesians 6:18.


• WE CAN CONTRIBUTE on a regular and sacrificial basis to missions. “In everything I showed you that by working hard in this manner you must help the weak and remember the words of the Lord Jesus, that He Himself said, ‘It is more blessed to give than to receive.’” Acts 20:35.


• WE CAN GO and help the cause. “Therefore go and make disciples of all nations…teaching them to obey everything I have commanded you…” Matthew 28:19-20.


• WE MUST BE READY AND WILLING to recognize and respond to God’s call on our lives. “With this in mind, we constantly pray for you, that our God may count you worthy of his calling, and that by his power he may fulfill every good purpose of yours and every act prompted by your faith. We pray this so that the name of our Lord Jesus may be glorified in you…” 2 Thessalonians 1:11-12.